I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
