Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
