I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just invented taco cereal.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
