He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
