So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
