I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
