YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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