3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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