from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
