I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
