Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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