She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
