I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
