so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We just shotgunned beers for America
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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