A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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