meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
