Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
