i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
