so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
