Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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