I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
