I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
