i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
