how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Rumble strips road head = magical
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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