addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
