I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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