I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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