I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
