we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
