who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
