he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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