Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
