The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
