I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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