Already got asked if we're dating
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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