Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
