Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
