plz talk dirty to me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
