Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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