i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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