I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
