I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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