He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
