Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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