It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
