he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
