very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
