Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
