It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
