chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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