I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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