She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
