I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
